glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
3 2 1 whiskey
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
