I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
