Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
