On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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