He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
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