I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
