The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
