just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Sext me about skeletons
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