I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
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