And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
