I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
