Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
