i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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