As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
