I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
