dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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