your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
