My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
