just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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