i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
