What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize