My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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