u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
