she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
