How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
