was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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