Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
