I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
it was like eating out sand paper
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
