So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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