After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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