Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
