...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
