Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
