i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
