I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
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