FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
