If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just gift wrapped bread.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
