So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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