i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
