dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
