Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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