And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
