My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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