He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
