Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
