IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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