Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
