the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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