shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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