Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
