The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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