I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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