eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
