u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
