Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
