Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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