Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
