Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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