He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize