just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
