There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize