A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize