Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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