The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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