Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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