Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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