His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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