Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
