Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
