Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
