My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
