Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
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