Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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