last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
