well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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