no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
