I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize