I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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