her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
