So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
