Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
