There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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