I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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