Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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