i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
