In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
3 2 1 whiskey
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize