I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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