i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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