i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
