why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Randomize
