ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
