Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
