the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize