for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
