I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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