I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Randomize
