Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
