he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
