Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
