just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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