i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
