Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
