Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
