My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
