it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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