how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
