Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
